A Fortune To Be Made

We moved recently. After twenty years in our former house we moved to a different neighborhood which is not more than a mile away as the crow flies. We went through the usual “moving” traumas experienced by almost everyone, particularly those individuals who do not give away or throw away enough stuff before the moving van arrives. What I was not prepared for was the fact that my computer did not appreciate being moved. Am I anthropomorphizing an inanimate object? Not at all! As a friend of mine who spends her working hours with one of these machines puts it: “They have a mind of their own.”

Two examples from my own considerable experience were the “seeding” of the capital “E” every 14 letters in a very ordinary text and the report that I had “the wrong address” after I had turned an incoming message around without having touched or re-typed the sender’s address. For three weeks after the move, I was able to use my eMac only for word processing. As I was cut off from the Internet, I had to use computers elsewhere. I estimate that I spent twenty hours on the telephone with both the Internet provider (in this case Bell Canada the largest telco in Canada) and the Apple technical advisors. After all this time it was clear that the eMac was functioning properly as was the Modem supplied by Bell. The problem was solved by some by-pass steps but without any sensible diagnosis. It was just “one of these things.”

The fact of the matter is that the reliability of computers - principally of their software - is poor. I thought for a while that Apple products were particularly trouble prone but was assured that this was not the case according to independent study. A member of our family spent a week off and on with Dell customer representatives and technical experts only to discover that his new computer was a lemon and had to be exchanged for another one. After another of my own unsuccessful attempts to get help, I was downtown and decided to pick up concert tickets at the box office. The particular performance was one of a summer series given outside the city. When I got to my turn in line, I was asked to come back in 15 minutes because “there was trouble with the computer.” The 15 minutes turned out to be somewhat longer, but I did get the tickets, the computer having been cured of its temporary malaise. There is some consensus among persons involved in this field that many computer problems are caused by software conflicts. There is just too much going on, too many commands, and too many opportunities for glitches. My computer can do a great many things short of brewing beer. Many of its touted functions are of no immediate interest to me. I would just love to have a reliable machine which I can use for word processing, for internet correspondence and for access to web sites, including my own, and the various search engines. These are modest requirements, but I would like to be able to count on having them fulfilled.

Which brings me to the title of this essay. Most computer owners are pleased to have an up-to-date machine which can perform marvels. But there must be a “niche” market of millions of persons who want to have a basic Chevvy and not a Jaguar. In India for several years they have had the “Simputer” which has a tiny screen and a Smart Card and costs only a few hundred dollars. Whereas I do not advocate importing Simputers for our niche market, I’d love us to have a really basic yet functional product (The Friend?) with limited features. It would not be very expensive but not cheap either. The purchase price would include a one-year guarantee for both software and hardware together with one hour of labour for set up and instruction by a human. If necessary, two additional hours of labour for trouble shooting could be incorporated. The instructions would provide a description of the Internet and explain overloading for which The Friend could not be responsible. I waive copyright, if any, for this idea. I know that The Friend is not patentable, but I believe it is do-able.

August 2005