Cold Comfort
by George Bowser*

Why does my teenage son regularly refuse the warm scarf and hat and other winter wear that I offer him? What is it with adolescents in winter – are they insensitive to the cold? To paraphrase Shakespeare, if you strip them, do they not freeze? When children are very young, it’s easy to stuff them into layers of warm clothing. Everywhere toddlers can be seen wearing the proper winter clothing: hat, scarf, gloves, snowsuit and boots. One sees, and one approves. To paraphrase the language of adolescence: it’s Canada, it’s February ... hello!

Later, at about age twelve, children leave those easy-to-dress years behind, and move on into a time and place where seasons and extremes of cold seem not to exist. It is not important to dress warmly, but it is very important not to look as though you were dressed by your mother. Or father. A few days ago I was walking through Westmount Park, clad in my customary weather-beating winter wear (see ‘toddler’ above) and thinking that I should have worn thicker long johns, a sweater, and electrically heated gloves, when I saw an adolescent female student walking towards me, dressed as though it were a summer’s day: bare knees, cotton shirt, lightweight jacket, and no other winter accessories of any kind. One of us, I thought, has taken leave of their senses. I saw her, but she did not see me. This is because at my age – over fifty - I am virtually invisible, and can only be seen by others of my age, beggars and salespersons. Perhaps this is the heart of the matter: I am old, and my blood is growing cold. Just as surely as next summer there will be very old people sitting in the park in August wearing overcoats, I have begun the process of cooling down. It is entropy, and it is a law of nature.

Teens have not yet begun to feel the effects of this immutable law. Perhaps if babies could talk, they too would object to being wrapped up like little mummies by their mommies. They have a thick layer of fat to protect them. The babies, that is.

But if adolescents were to wear appropriate winter clothing, and were to survive the curious and mocking glances of their peers, how would they cope with their busy day? Cocooned in their coats, they would be immobilised in public transportation, wedged awkwardly into small spaces in restaurants and cafeterias, cramped in tiny work spaces designed for and by the under funded and the undersized. There is never enough room for fully winterized bodies indoors, and there is nowhere to put discarded clothing except in a faraway too-small locker. Socially, winter clothing is a bust. Adolescents spend most of their time with other adolescents. Like herds of penguins, they huddle together for warmth, and their attention is focused on activities of their peers, not their physical discomforts.

* George Bowser is half of the Canadian Comedy duo “Bowser & Blue”

February 2004